I believe that being responsible means doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done.  It means setting priorities and taking action on them.

When we are responsible, we don’t postpone a task because it makes us uncomfortable, or it is something we really don’t want to do.  We live up to the promises we make, not just to others, but to ourselves as well.

Being responsible also means we learn to manage our time in order to accomplish our goals but at the same time, we don’t take on so much that we become overwhelmed.  If we overextend ourselves, it is not healthy for our recovery and we likely won’t live up to our commitments.

If we take care of our commitments, even if it something we might like to ignore, we feel better about ourselves.  Each step we take towards being responsible and productive helps to raise our self-esteem and our relationships with friends, family and co-workers improve ten-fold.

Being responsible pays big dividends – we have much less stress and chaos in our lives and we gain the respect of others.

Is it easy to learn to be responsible?  Not always.  Is it worth it?  Absolutely yes.

SC

Often it is heard that recovery is a painful process.  I hear people talk about how difficult it is.  How it is difficult to start all over from nothing.  How their relationships have been destroyed, they are unemployed, they are in debt.  I also hear that it takes a long time, and a lot of hard work.

Although these things can be true, what about changing the perspective?  What would happen if one started to appreciate the positive aspects of recovery?

First of all, I am no longer a slave to a substance.  My life and my thoughts are not revolving solely around the getting and using of substances.  I am a free person.  I cannot attach any price tag to that.

Instead of looking at having a grade 11 education as a barrier, I used it as an opportunity to go back to college and educate myself.  I too destroyed all of my relationships.  Perseverance has paid off, and the relationships I have today are more meaningful and fulfilling than ever before in my life.

I was also in debt.  Securing employment and becoming financially independent has allowed me to be debt free and have a good credit score.

It is hard work, but the rewards are worth it!  Putting in the effort builds character as well.  I am a completely different person today.  It is because of the leg work that has gone into my recovery along with the determination, and staying constantly grateful for all of the good things.  Aside from all that, I am genuinely happy.

What side of the coin do you choose to focus on?

“When people are grateful for what they have, they will experience a great deal of happiness in their life.”  I sincerely believe this.

People who constantly complain about or focus on what they don’t have must have a difficult time finding any peace or serenity in their lives.

Gratitude, for me, means being grateful for the little things I do have, and not “sweating” what is missing.  Most importantly, since coming back into recovery, I have reconnected with my family and with friends and former co-workers.  I am very thankful that they stuck by me in bad times (during my many relapses and attempts to get sober over the past two years).

My life is no-where near perfect, but with gratitude comes the realization that if I live my recovery program and don’t worry about what I lack in materials things, everything I need will come to me in time.

Most importantly, I am grateful to be alive.  It was not an easy decision to make to return to treatment, but I am very glad they were there.  At the time, I knew I had a choice to make and I am thankful that I had the strength to choose wisely.  It has been difficult facing the people in my life and admitting my shortcomings, but by doing so, I feel closer to them than I ever have.

Gratitude now plays a very important role in my sobriety and in my life.  I no longer stress out over things I cannot control, I don’t try to plan everything down to the tiniest detail, and therefore I am experiencing a new and amazing sense of hope and serenity.

I am thankful to have “today” and to be able to share the benefits of being alive and sober with others.  It is truly a blessing.

S.C.

A person with a deflated ego undermines their own self-worth with negative self-talk.  They rely on self-deception and the opinion of others to make themselves feel anything close to good.  They take things personally and try to take credit for the deeds of others.  Their drive for recognition and praise leads to arrogance and grandiosity.  Their ego becomes over-inflated or exaggerated, causing conflict with other people in their social and working environments.

We need a healthy ego – we can strengthen our own self- worth by real growth and our own accomplishments.  We don’t live in the past, but look to improve ourselves in the present and future.

To develop a balanced ego, we need to first assess it – is it over-inflated?  Under inflated?

If we find that our ego has become exaggerated because of low self-esteem or self-worth, we can correct this by finding reminders of our successes and being proud of our own accomplishments; being inspired to take actions not to help ourselves but to help others, and by being satisfied with what we have.

It is possible to develop a healthy, balanced ego – and through this process, we will find true humility.

S.C.

All my life, I have suffered from a need to appear perfect in other people’s eyes.  I thought I had to do everything right in order to be accepted and when something did not go the way I wanted it to, I would get frustrated and angry.   I knew I had to learn to control this frustration because if I let it build up, I would become angry.  Anger would take away my motivation to accomplish something and I would simply give up.

I have learned that the cause of frustration can be something I have no control over and that everyone experiences frustration many times in their lives.  The difference is how we each react to it.      I know that if I give in to it, I become irritable and annoyed.  I make bad decisions based on my emotions in that moment.  But if I react in a more positive way, I can find a way to overcome the problem.

Now, when I start to feel frustrated over a situation, I know that my perception is probably getting in the way of reality.  I have found it very effective to talk to someone who can view the situation objectively and may have a perspective on it that I am not seeing.  I have also learned to accept the reality that not everything is perfect, including myself.  Sometimes, life will throw curves and I have to accept that some things are simply out of my control.

If there is no-one I can talk to at that moment, I take a walk – I find it very effective and it usually prevents me from acting immediately on my emotions and making that rash decision.  I also have learned not to blame myself for things that happen – it is better to use that mental energy to try to find a solution.  I focus on what I am grateful for, not what is wrong in my life.

We all have goals and we are all going to encounter frustrations along the way but what is important is that we deal with them in a positive and productive way.

SC