One of the most important things we learn in recovery is to listen to others.  When we stop listening to others and only listen to ourselves, we in essence have taken back our self will.

When we get clean and sober, we try to surrender our will and we begin to take advice from others, whether it is a counselor in a treatment program, an old-timer at a twelve step group, our sponsor, or anyone else who may have the knowledge we need.  Surrendering can feel very wrong, like a negative, but to maintain our sobriety, it is what we must do.  Our own thinking is likely part of what got us into our addiction to begin with or at least kept us there, so we need to give up and surrender our self-will.

By listening to others in recovery, it is possible to benefit from their experience.  Other people can be “fountains of knowledge” and can inspire us to work at our recovery, perhaps change our future plans, or open us up to opportunities that we might have missed.

Sometimes, listening to another person can help them with a problem they may be experiencing – while we may not be able to help him or her physically, listening attentively to them may be what they need.

We have to keep in mind that what we sometimes need to hear is not necessarily what we want to hear and we must learn to focus on the “need” and not the “want”.  This is one lesson I personally have had to learn and work on constantly, because I know to do otherwise is fatal to my recovery.

Paying attention to others and focusing on what they have to say can be rewarding, for both yourself and for them.

 

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Ego is one of the worst “poisons” – it can be more lethal to our well-being than anything else.

If we allow our ego to take over, we can destroy personal relationships, working relationships and friendships.

An inflated ego has the power to make us see things differently than they actually are.   Ego is the idea that the world revolves around us – all good things that happened were meant for us, all bad things that happened were meant to wound us.

Ego pushes people away, and closes our minds – we stop listening to other people’s ideas, we become critical of thos around us, we become trapped and alone in our selfish desires.

For me, personally, ego had a devastating effect on my life.  I could not share issues I was going through with others, for fear that they would think less of me or think of me as “weak”.  As a result, I isolated, feeling very alone in the world.  I often thought I “knew everything”, when in fact I simply couldn’t admit that I knew very little.  I ignored others – my ego would not let me concede that their opinions or ideas might be better than mine.  The list of the defects my ego caused could go on and on.

What I have learned in the last six months is that my ego got in the way of living life to its fullest.  I have a lot fewer materials things now, but what I do have is serenity, peace of mind and spiritual faith that my life is on the right track.

 

Most importantly, I realize the truth of something I read:  the opposite of ego is humility – not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.

Since I got sober……

When I get up in the morning, I feel healthy – physically, emotionally and spiritually.

My first thought of the day is “what will I do today”, not “where or when will I get my first drink”.

I walk with my head up, not looking at the ground.

I laugh more now than I ever did when I was drinking.

My priorities have shifted from myself to others.

I care about what is going on in the whole world, not just my little world.

I can look in the mirror and be proud of what I see, not ashamed.

I am happy with what I have now, and no longer grieve over what I have lost.

I show up for work every day (especially Mondays).

I don’t waste time thinking up my next lie.

Now, I am invited to and included in family and other social gatherings.

 

Emotions are like the waves in an ocean; calm waters or giant waves, either high or low tides and play an important role in our lives. How we feel can often affect our decisions; both positive and negative emotions can be enormous motivators.

Processing negative emotions is difficult and we often put those aside until we feel more capable of dealing with them. Stuffing these emotions makes them easier to avoid and not dealing with them leads to a variety of other issues including, substance abuse, and stress, overworking and focusing on other people’s problems.

This emotional baggage is real and although it may not be able to be seen can affect your success, health and happiness. These “bags” can affect us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Logic says when our emotions are positive, life is more manageable but when they are negative we see or experience life in a “glass half empty” way.

So how do you deal with negative emotions and create a more positive attitude.

Change your thinking – if you view what someone says as an attack, you will become defensive. By changing your thinking to one of maybe they are trying to help, you will be able to feel more positive and learn from the experience

Know that you are in control – Your emotions do not have to be the dictator of your life. If you are aware of your thoughts, you can gain control of them and calm the waters. Become aware, assess the problem and take corrective action

Stay grounded – Do not let anyone’s perception of you influence the way you feel about yourself – remember it is their viewpoint; they may be having a bad day and therefore their opinion may be skewed.

Don’t suppress – Listen to your emotions –show your feelings when they occur whether they are happy or sad. Those who say they are always positive, have no issues and things are going well are not being true to themselves or others. It is all right to let those around you know when you are having a bad day – by admitting that you are showing you are “real”.

Be positive – Negativity affects your mood and emotions. See the positive side in any situation (there always is one). Have gratitude for everything and everyone you have in your life.

Breathe – When stressed – breathe- try not to react to any given situation – step back, take a breath and ask yourself why you are getting stressed. Once you figure out the reason you can take steps to deal with it.

Take care of yourself – Love and care for yourself everyday – know how to destress and use the tools you have to do that

Get back up – We all lose it at times – we fly off the handle, get worked up and scream and cry. It happens to the best of us and it’s ok. Apologise if necessary, learn from it and forgive yourself. Keep moving forward in the direction of being whole

 Do not let your emotions distract you from doing what needs to be done – control your emotions so your emotions do not control you