Those of us who come to recovery must do so because of our own choice and not be because we are forced into it. If we are an unwilling participant in treatment or other recovery programs, chances are we won’t be motivated to maintain our sobriety and any experience and advice shared by others in recovery will likely fall on deaf ears.
Often, we have mixed feelings about recovery – I know I did. Part of me wanted badly to be clean and sober again but there was also a part of me that felt too tired to try and wanted to give in to my urges and cravings.
I had to make a decision. If I couldn’t give one hundred percent to my recovery, then there was little use in even starting the process.
When I look back at the time I first got sober years ago, I realize now I did it for all the wrong reasons – I had no other choice at the time. I stayed sober for a lengthy period of time but I really didn’t do the work to maintain it. My memory would play tricks on me and I easily forgot how bad things were when I was drinking. Eventually, I became complacent and relapse was inevitable. I once again hit rock bottom. But this time, it is different. I came into recovery with the willingness to give everything I could to my recovery – to “go to any lengths” as they say.
Today, I am enjoying sobriety like I never did before. I am willing to listen to others who have themselves found stable recovery. I willingly make my recovery my first priority every day and I willingly protect it at all costs.
I do all this because I want to, not because I have to. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I am so glad I made the right decision.