FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS AND BOUNDARIES

Many of us in early recovery find the dynamic of our family relationships gradually changes, and at times we need to set boundaries with which we are comfortable.

Personally, I found (and at times still find) it difficult to set boundaries with my family, mainly because while I was using, I was very dependent on them for financial help, housing and other supports.

Now, in recovery, as I become more independent, I find that unhealthy resentments can build up towards family members on whom a year ago I was very dependent.  At times, they behave towards me as if I was still drinking – as if I was still as dependent on them.

This is when I have to put what I have learned about setting boundaries into practice.  I am learning to be more honest about how some of their behaviours affect me.  I have openly explained my current financial limitations, not because I want their help, but because I need them to understand that I cannot always afford to travel out of town to visit them.

 

I continue to have a very close and loving relationship with my family.   At the same time, I am trying to help them understand who I am in recovery and that while I need their emotional support (something we all need) I also am learning to “fly on my own”.  To do that, I have to set some boundaries.

It has been a difficult and sometimes uncomfortable process, one that continues today, but the rewards for me are well worth the effort.